margonaut musician, librarian, writer, enigmatic weirdo, and lover of the one-ness

on playing hard to get vs. being consciously choosy

From the book Love and Awakening by John Welwood

Since we originally lost touch with ourselves in our relations with others, that is where we often seek to find ourselves again. In truth, a good relationship can help us become more whole, but not in the magical way we often imagine. Instead, by calling forth deeper qualities of our nature that we have lost touch with, love also brings us up against confining identities that normally cut off our access to these qualities. And this provides a special opportunity: We have to be pushed right up against our prison walls -- which are made out of old self-images -- before we can start to break through them and discover who we really are. Once we are up against these walls, the need for a conscious relationship becomes more apparent, and also more imperative.